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| ( I totally stole this photo off her Facebook page... ) |
This beautiful woman is the co-owner and artistic director of Quickstep Dance Studio, where I work. We've known each other since high school, but I wouldn't say we've ever really been friends (until now). And that is 100% my fault.
You see, I've always been really intimidated by Annie. Don't get me wrong, she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. She is kind, beautiful, smart... but I found her intelligence threatening. But more so than my intimidation of her, I was majorly jealous of her. She is a PHENOMENAL dancer, and I just always saw her as the embodiment of every dream I had and wanted for myself as a dancer. She was on BYU's youth ballroom formation teams, then eventually BYU's tour team, and even UVU's tour team. She competes nationally and internationally and recently acquired her own studio. She is, in a word, amazing!
In high school, it was painful to even look in her direction; I constantly compared myself to her when I was around her, and I desperately wanted everything she was achieving. She was living MY dreams. Ultimately, I just decided I didn't like her much and avoided her presence.
Jealousy is stupid and it makes you act like a moron.
Learn this lesson early people: someone being smart, or pretty, or just plain awesome doesn't make you the antithesis of those things, or mean you are lacking those things. There's lots of smart, beautiful, awesome people in the world. It doesn't undermine your value. My lack of understanding of this concept and poor self-esteem was the key to this particular downfall of mine, and the result was a cold-shoulder approach to an undeserving Annie.
Recently I've realized though, that yes, I am definitely not the GREATEST dancer. But for me, getting a degree in dance, was the one thing I could have picked that would challenge me to the highest degree. I am gifted in "book smartness"; I can be lazy, but given the time and the effort, I could memorize whatever I needed to for med school, or whatever other kind of "fancy" or "prestigious" degree there is. But dance took me out of my comfort-zone and BEYOND, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And the lessons I learned in that journey are priceless. I wouldn't change any of the growth I've experienced in pursuing this education for anything. Whether or not I "amount to anything" in the eyes of my fellow dance peers hardly matters when put into this perspective.
I've also realized that it's OK to dream, and it's also OK to outgrow dreams. That doesn't mean you STOP dreaming or that you shouldn't continually reach for greater knowledge and self-improvement. As you grow, things might change. If God is at the helm of your life, have enough faith in Him to know that He will lead you in the direction that will make you the happiest, and will also be of greatest use and value to Him.
Anyhow, given this one-sided history, I was a bit apprehensive at working not only for Annie, but for my best friend (the other half of the co-ownership). I decided though, that I couldn't let pride deprive me of an opportunity to work and gain experience in my studied profession right out of school, and I was pretty sure we all had the maturity to maintain an appropriate level of professionalism required to work together without damaging any relationships. Plus, I really did want to help my Bestie out :) So, putting aside these negative feelings and emotions, I humbled myself and gratefully accepted an instructor's position.
Literally, one of the best decisions I've ever made. I cannot thank Annie and Laura enough, for the opportunity to teach in a place where there is mutual respect, communication, and engaged students, eager to soak up any knowledge you hand them. I love my students and I love teaching them and giving them tools to help them reach their own goals and dreams.
And during all of this, I've been blessed with opportunities to get to know Annie a lot better - I'm pretty much an idiot. haha.
I wanted to share this post that my Bishop put on our ward's Facebook wall, which seemed oddly fitting given the subject matter of this particular blog post:
The most encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary is "Repentance" it is simply the scriptural invitation for growth and improvement and progress and renewal. You can be anything you want to be in righteousness. Of course there will be problems to work out and restitutions to make. But it takes exactly as long to repent as it takes you to say, "I’ll change"—and mean it.
So, to dear Annie,
I'm sorry I let my insecurities deprive us of a spectacular friendship for so long. But I'm grateful for your grace and patience and forgiveness towards a stubborn and sometimes hard-hearted girl. I truly feel that we can and will become best of friends - the kind that last forever :)
xoxo,
Rebecca
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