I'm often surprised at how capable I am at blowing personal development epically out of proportion. What should I do? Where should I go? Who should I be? These kinds of questions have haunted me ever since I graduated high school and began my journey in the world of "higher education." So much time and exhaustive effort was put into trying to figure it all out. Something about our society - I'm unsure if it's an American thing, or a world thing - seems to put a time limit on "self-discovery." Like if you don't know what your grand contribution to the world is going to be by the time you graduate from college, you're some kind of deadbeat who's living on welfare and tax-payer's dollars.
Uh, ok... thanks world.
I've always been so jealous of friends and other random people, who divulge that they "always knew" they wanted to be a *blank*, or they knew from the time they were *blank* years old that they wanted to go into *blank*. When I was young, all I wanted was a little brother or sister, and for my brothers to live with me in the same house (neither of which happened). I also had massive interest in extending my bedtime, getting my parents to let me watch pg-13 movies, and begging for a dog (none of which happened either). I wish I'd had that kind of foresight in my life; I don't think my curious little self could comprehend the idea of choosing ONE thing to do and be forever, when so many things fascinated me, especially with my parents encouraging me to be involved in so many diverse activities. To some degree, I still don't understand it, but maybe this has allowed me to be open minded towards opportunities that have come my way because I didn't have a set plan, although I certainly did try to come up with one. I still do it now, as I think about pursuing a Master's degree someday and not really knowing which direction I want to go with it. There are so many variables and possible outcomes!
The beautiful thing though, is that God knows your greatness.
If you are doing what you're supposed to, and you seek Him out, willing to hand your life over to Him, He's going to use you to achieve His purposes. You don't need to stress (like me - I'm a worrier and a planner) about figuring out who you are or what you should do with your life. If you are proactively and eagerly engaged in seeking out and doing His will, God's not gonna just let you sit on a shelf collecting dust - He'll put you to good use.
"In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:6
I wrote this in my scriptures during my Seminary years of high school:
"If I want to receive an answer to my prayers then I must be willing to place my life and future in the hands of the Lord. I must be willing to give everything I have to Him. I must be patient."
The loudness of the world creates a mind full of chaos and doubt, but in the core of my being, I know that I'm doing alright because I am TRYING. Besides, "the best way to predict the future, is to create it."
xoxo,
Rebecca
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